If not sincere then do not disturb

Xiao Qin and I on Bei Da Lu, the street where we live, posing on our friend Chen Chen's electric bike. 

There are many excuses I guess I could forward as to why I haven’t updated this blog in a couple of months, despite the much appreciated urging of friends in another hemisphere, but as was the case last time I put pen to paper I am perhaps guilty of being just a little lazy!

Xiao Qin and I enjoy a Chinese only tour of Kai Feng for 30p 

The main developments since my last blog update is that I am now, and indeed - as some of you already know - have been since September, in a very happy relationship, that I have moved to a new apartment and that over Chinese New Year I travelled around Henan and Shaanxi. 

I don’t really feel, even in our age of seemingly unquestioned social media hegemony, that this is an appropriate medium to provide a detailed account as to how we two between an item, albeit a delightful tale, or indeed to digress about why Lin Qin (Xiao Qin [small Qin] for short or Jenny in English) has made me so happy – suffice to say that she has!

I moved apartment just before Christmas and have now settled in to what is a very comfortable new apartment. There is no hot water in the kitchen – seemingly a Chinese domestic luxury on par with an indoor swimming pool – but otherwise it has every convenience one would expect from a Western apartment. I have to pay a little extra each month for the privilege but it only equates to around one hour of private tuition a week so I figured it was a sound investment.

I am somewhat overwhelmed by the 120 or so television channels I now have at my disposal although, with only a single channel broadcasting in English, I seldom find myself spending hours scrolling up and down the channels. There are two rather amusing shows that often take my fancy. Firstly, the a hugely popular dating game show on every Saturday and Sunday night for 90 minutes 非诚勿扰 / fēi chéng wù rǎo - if not sincere then do not disturb. It is a far cry from Cilla’s Blind Date, back in the days when I used to watch ITV, with an altogether more serious attitude demonstrated by both men and women alike. It is, at times, more like watching a series of mini job interviews with contestants emphasising their career prospects, appreciation of culture and healthy bodies – seldom portraying themselves as loveable party animals as was exclusively the case as I recall on Cilla’s Blind Date. The format is so simple that you don’t need to understand everything that is being said to enjoy watching the programme and as every other moment someone or other is introducing themselves it is very good listening practice.

Screen shots from hit TV show Fei Cheng Wu Rao

Secondly, the Chinese coverage of the English Premier League football is hysterical. The two middle-aged gentlemen who introduce the show certainly look very presentable but staring plainly at the camera as they do, reading an autocue and never interacting with each other is a far cry from the hand waving, bar stool sitting, water drinking layabouts that present Sky’s Soccer Saturday! The real hilarity is to be found in the emotionless commentary during the match. When I have watched a game of football in any country I have hitherto travelled and my gaze has wondered for a moment from the screen as a game enters a dull period my attention is all too quickly reverted back to proceeding as the commentator – whatever he may be saying – gets excitable. However, in China this is not the case. For example, several weeks ago I sat down to watch Arsenal versus Tottenham after returning from a night at the badminton courts – a lunchtime kickoff for you, an evening kickoff for me! Tottenham were leading 2-0 after a dubious penalty and a little disgruntled with matters I turned up the volume and went to clean up after dinner. Upon my return it was 3-2 to Arsenal and the commentator hadn’t even paused or raised his voice. A near enough identical thing happened when Swansea scored against Man City. It is not possible to watch football here and do anything else as you invariably miss the goal. Thankfully I can still enjoy ball-by-ball coverage of the cricket from Sri Lanka.

Xiao Qin's parents tuck into my Mao Shi Hong Shao Rou!   

I speculated before I left for China that I would feel more home-sick around Chinese New Year than at Christmas as Christmas is not so much of a big deal in China and Chinese New Year is the time when the pace of life slows a little for a passage of time. I think, upon reflection, that this was probably the case. I certainly didn’t miss the several weeks or so before Christmas when one can’t powder one’s nose without Christmas themed toilet paper or elevator music clouding one’s sanity to the extent that by the time Christmas Day arrives the one thing you don’t want to do is anything remotely to do with Christmas. But, of course, you have to as you’ve only got one day until it’s the sales and all that jazz. In China, the odd Santa showed his face the week before Christmas and a Christmas tree popped up here and there but it came and it went – just like that.

I didn’t have to work on Christmas Day as our school was closed but seemingly everyone else in Fuzhou did. You can quickly be forgiven for thinking it’s not Christmas day when the morning rush hour is still in operation, your usual breakfast restaurant is open and you spend the afternoon buying plants and two turtles! Xiao Kai and Xie Xie, our friends from Xiamen, came to stay with us over the festive period which was great and on Christmas Day itself we hosted a big dinner party which featured among several Chinese dishes, including jellyfish as I recall, an Irish stew – to remind me of home. It went down well eaten as it was like a soup!

It is hard, obviously, when you look at the clock and surmise that your brother is probably now dragging the quilt of your parent’s bed and flinging them kicking and screaming down to the living room in their dressing gowns to witness the opening of his presents but alas that was always going to be the case. I guess I should just feel lucky that what with the wonders of modern technology I was able to communicate, like a long lost friend on This is Your Life, via Satellite link and see the whole family including my bemused grandmother!

Chinese New Year really is quite incredible. It is, like Christmas, a time when families get together. However, whereas in the UK families get together for a day or two and then, sick of each other, go back to the shops or to work, in China, they get together for two whole weeks! I don’t know the extent to which they get sick of each other but as half the time they’ve travelled for about 15 hours to get home they hardly going to walk out because some ate the last coffee-cream. On the street where I live I estimate that 75% of business remained shut for the entire two weeks of Chinese New Year. In the UK you see people on Christmas Eve buying so much food that you’d think the shops were shut for weeks when they’re barely shut for a weekend – I’d hate to some of those people cope over here!

Christmas Day in China.  Note the amount of clothes required for an indoor social gathering!

Lao Ba and I engage in a spot of friendly sparring after dinner! 

On Chinese New Year Eve, traditionally the most important day of the festival, we had an enormous meal with Xiao Qin’s parents. They are both really nice and we get on splendidly – especially considering they are reliant on my Chinese! Xiao Qin’s father, Lin Fu Di or Lao Ba (old Dad), has practised Kung Fu for his whole life and can bounce around the living in an extraordinary manner when suitably encouraged by his family. This was initially a little daunting – to see a demonstration of the fact that your girlfriends father is a trained killing machine – but this was certainly not his intention. I understand that few people take much of an interest in his Kung Fu so he is always keen to show off! We all drank rather a little too much local wine that tastes like watered down sherry but is surprisingly strong.

In Fuzhou an apartment seldom have central heating
so thermal undergarments were the way forward.  

The latter part of the evening – remember that Chinese dinners, even important dinners, conclude about eight-thirty – was dominated by the sound and the light of seemingly every Chen, Chang and Cheng in the neighborhood launching a few hundred fireworks a piece! I was brought on the principle that fireworks were dangerous, to be handled with care and only to be launched by adults. Indeed, it was only recently that I understand Signor Ballotelli was publicly ridiculed in the UK for letting off the odd firework from a Manchester bathroom. Well, Signor Ballotelli, you would have felt very much at home in Fuzhou on Chinese New Year Eve. There were fireworks flying around at all angles, smoke filled the air and the noise was almost deafening at times. It almost looked like a scene from a modern war movie such was the orchestrated chaos.

Jolene (Chao Meng) and I pose for a traditional photograph
in Shang Jie - her hometown.  

Xiao Qin and I spent Chinese New Year travelling the northern provinces of Henan and Shaanxi. They were seriously cold but, with heating in a majority though not all of our hotels, bearable! In a hostel in Luoyang I had thermal undergarments, trousers, about half a dozen layers, a blanket, a coat and Xiao Qin and we were still frozen – still, an experience!

We flew into Zhengzhou – the capital of Henan and a transportation hub for northern China. It is not a beautiful city by any means but it does feature the pyramid-like Henan museum which brilliantly demonstrated the cultural and historic importance of that part of China. It certainly revealed my ignorance of Chinese history and no doubt left many of the locals feeling much the same judging by their faces! The main reason of our passing through Zhengzhou was the opportunity to meet up with one of my Chinese friends from the UK, Jolene, and, perhaps more importantly, attend her grandfather’s birthday party!

Jolene's grandfather blows out the candles on his birthday cake - a cake that was eaten before dinner!  

Xi’an is a now a simple train journey from Zhengzhou and within a couple of hours we were in another province. The Terracotta Army is an obvious highlight of any trip to Xi’an or even China and it certainly didn’t disappoint. I had seen the British Museum’s exhibition a couple of years ago and consequently was much more clued up on matters this time around. There is plenty more to Xi’an though than a couple of thousand two-thousand year old terracotta soldiers and it is certainly worth going out of your way to visit.

Xiao Qin and I pose just like my mother and her colleague Francesca did in 2010.

Luoyang, like Xi’an is another ancient capital of China, but unlike Xi’an is not subject to the same degree of international tourism despite playing host to two UNESCO World Heritage sites – we met a Dutch couple and that was it! It was, therefore, mightily impressive. The Longmen Grottoes – a series of handmade caves featuring carvings of Buddha amongst others line a riverbank for miles and the Shaolin Temple, of Kung Fu fame, is equally inspiring.

I was planning on using firearms at the Longmen Grottoes
so it was a real disappointment to see that they were
specifically outlawed. 

Xiao Qin and I across the river from the Longmen Grottoes   - the only standpoint that really gives any scale to the
enormity of the spectacle.

It was most entertaining if a little disturbing to watch loads of children fighting each other, smashing pieces of metal on their foreheads and wedging both feet behind their heads before pushing out a few press ups! It’s definitely a must see place if you like Kung Fu movies. The old town in Luoyang was also very nice. Whereas in Shanghai, Hangzhou, Fuzhou and Xi’an the old parts of the town has been rebuilt to look old but are in fact often very new and often feature a cheeky McDonald’s or Starbucks the old streets in Luoyang were very authentic. How long, we found ourselves pondering, before they stick a KFC next to that castle?

We also visited a small city called Kai Feng which was dominated by a frozen lake – so frozen that trigger happy locals were quite happy to launch fireworks off it! The highlight of Kai Feng was a chance encounter with Jason – a rickshaw driver. Jason, a man in his forties, excitedly came up to me and confidently started a conversation, speaking pretty good English. “You are the 685th foreigner I’ve met” he bolded asserted – how about that for an icebreaker! “Every time I’ve ever met a foreigner I’ve written about the encounter in a diary – I’ve got ten big diaries now!”.

Jason of Kai Feng and I holding the relevant pages of the 2011 edition of Lonely Planet China.  

I could barely catch my breath before he whipped out a newspaper from a couple of years ago on which he featured on the front page no less of the Henan Provincial newspaper. It was a story about all about his encounters with foreigners which were usually cycling them around Kai Feng but still! He then claimed to be in the 2011 edition of Lonely Planet China, quite a boast I’m sure you’ll agree, and thankfully for all concerned I was in a position to verify this statement with the relevant pages in my rucksack. The page in question did indeed feature a reference to Jason of Kai Feng and a contact number. I called the contact number, we waiting and, sure enough, his mobile started ringing. Amazing.

I can count on one hand the things I have eaten in China that I have no intention of eating again.  This dish, however,
barbecued lamb's foot, was really quite horrific.  The fact that it smelt and tasted of manure did nothing for it's qualities as
an appetiser!